Drifting
❗ Sensitive Subject ❗
I’m not okay. I’ve drifted from God and I’m not okay.
Every day I wake up and tell myself to open my Bible, yet I don’t. I tell myself to pray, yet I can’t. I cry in the shower and ask God to call me back to Him, yet I can’t hear Him. It saddens me that I’ve lost sight of Him lately.
What’s even crazier is that I recognize the change in myself.
How much more angry I’ve been. How easily I slip back into sin. How anxious and impatient I feel with everyday life.
I can literally feel it and how loud my flesh has become. And I know it’s because I don’t have God at the center of my life right now. My distance from Him is noticeable.
When God is at the center, things don’t necessarily get easier, but they do become clearer. I manage better and I soften around the edges. My mind rests more peacefully and my spirit feels more anchored. But lately, I’ve been feeling like a boat that has drifted too far from shore and just passed through a storm. The storm is over, but I’m still lost at sea.
I feel more shame and condemnation, and I know that’s not what God wants me to feel. He doesn’t look at me with shame or distaste. He doesn’t turn His face away when I struggle. He doesn’t leave me even though I’ve let go of His hand. If anything, scripture reminds us that He draws near to the brokenhearted and He calls on the weary.
So why do I feel so far?
The truth is, sometimes drifting from God doesn’t happen because we hate God or we stop believing in Him. It happens suddenly and quietly (at least that’s how it’s been for me). I think I’ve allowed “busy” to consume my life and I started relying on my own strength more and less on Him. Then missing one day of prayer turned into two, then a week. And before I realized it, the connection that once felt so strong feels weak now.
I know God hasn’t abandoned me though. He’s still here. He’s still knocking even though I can’t hear it. He still goes before me.
Even now, in this season where I feel disconnected, I know He’s the same God in the valley as He is in green pastures and by still water. The same God who called me to Himself in the first place.
Maybe this is just the quiet mercy of conviction. The realization that something is indeed missing in my life. The awareness that my mind, body, and soul knows where it belongs and it’s out of alignment. I belong with Him.
So even though this season hasn’t been easy, I know the answer isn’t hiding from Him. It isn’t shaming myself day after day or pretending like everything is fine.
The answer is returning.
Even if the return starts small.
Just one prayer. One verse. One moment of honesty before God.
Because the beautiful truth of the Gospel is that God doesn’t require perfection to come back to Him. He simply and gently invites us to come.
Reflection 💭
Have you ever felt like you've drifted from God? Sometimes the hardest part of returning isn't repentance—it's believing that God still welcomes us back. But Scripture reminds us that when we draw near to God, He draws near to us (James 4:8). No matter how far we feel we've wandered, His invitation to return still stands.
Prayer 🛐
Lord,
Thank You for being patient with us even when we drift. Thank You for never turning Your back on Your children. When we feel distant, remind us that You are still near. Give us the courage to return to You, even in small steps. Quiet the voice of shame and replace it with the truth of Your grace. Draw our hearts back to You and help us place You at the center of our lives again.
Amen.
