Rise. Renew. Repeat.
There was a time not long ago when I was trying to do everything in my control — figuring out life, love, finances, motherhood, and even faith. I believed in a “higher power”, but never fully allowed myself to believe in God. I was clinging to control, to my own expectations, to the world’s measure of worth and where I “should be” in life.
But the weight got too heavy.
Yes, I believe in God now, but I would be fibbing if I said that I’ve learned how to fully surrender to Him.
Somewhere in between the prayers I whispered through my tears, my frustrations, and those moments of silence when I had no words left… God met me. He called me by name.
That’s where Rise + Renew was born — not from perfection, but from process. From the depths of me living in my flesh. From the moments where I would consider Him but let the thought go out as fast as it came in. God. Met. Me.
I didn’t grow up in church every Sunday. I had heard about God (even had a family member condemn me to hell for not being baptized before age 12), but I didn’t know Him. Not intimately. Not personally. He was more of a concept than a companion. And for a long time, I thought that was enough for me — just believing He existed, calling on Him only when I was deep in my struggles, and hoping He would fix what I didn’t have the strength to carry.
But eventually, life has a way of bringing you to your knees.
For years, I measured my worth by what the world fed me on social media.
How to be a good mother.
How to be a good partner.
How to be strong.
Capable.
Independent.
How to be a good person.
I wore these identities and carried these traits like actual armor — even despite the fact that I was breaking underneath it all. I was functioning, yes. But I was exhausted. Spiritually empty. Emotionally burnt out. I tried to fix things myself. Tried making myself happy with material things or with people. I tried smiling through the chaos of the bad choices I made in life.
I tried being everything for everyone. But inside, I was unraveling.
There are still moments I can’t seem to forget — the silent cries while pregnant, the nights I stayed up watching my babies sleep because I couldn’t, the mornings I woke up and felt like I was already behind before the day had even started. I wasn’t living, I was surviving. But deep down, I was still searching. Searching for rest. Reassurance. For someone to say “You don’t have to carry this alone, Jurnee.”
I didn’t expect to encounter God the way that I did.
It wasn’t in a church pew. It wasn’t in a 60-second sermon I scrolled past on TikTok. It wasn’t in a near-death experience. It was in a moment of deep spiritual emptiness — a moment of sin, if you will. One night, I found myself experimenting with recreational substances. After a while, I felt like I was in a strange, empty stillness. It was odd. I had never felt so mentally drained. My mind was spiraling and I was, literally, tired of thinking. I laid down, trying to sleep off the noise in my head, but instead, something holy interrupted.
I saw it clearly and I will never forget it — green pastures, a white house in the distance, still water with a dock, and a man dressed in white standing between them.
Then came the words: “Be Still.”
At first, I didn’t understand. To be real, I thought I was dreaming. But my spirit (and the tears that came without warning) recognized it. It was Him. It was God. It was the call I didn’t even know I was waiting for. I tried shaking it off but His confirmation came not long after…
That night marked a shift in me. That same weekend, I found and visited a local church for the first time as an adult. I went alone and scared and unsure of what I was doing. I got all the way to the church parking lot and still wanted to turn around but I went inside anyway. I can’t tell you what the sermon was about. I can’t even tell you all the people I met that day. But I do remember arriving early, sitting in the far back during choir rehearsal — because I arrived early — and listening to one of the choir members give the most beautiful prayer I’ve ever heard. I sat there in the back of the small and intimate church and cried.
And cried.
Tears. Snot. All of it.
It was like my spirit was releasing years of emotions I was holding onto. Years of feeling unseen. Years of feeling like no one understood me. I know now that God guided me to exactly where He wanted me to be.
It wasn’t long after that I joined the church as a member and also joined a few of the church ministries. As someone who identified as an introvert, it felt amazing getting to be among people — God’s people — and to help the community in a way I never had the courage to do before. I joined a Bible study group and even opened up and shared some of my testimony. I made new friends and family that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
But I didn’t transform overnight. I still struggled (and continue to) with worldly habits, still stumbled in my relationships, still got overwhelmed by bills, kids, life. But something did change and I knew it — I could no longer shake Christ and I didn’t want to live a life without Him.
God was there. I thought about Him almost every waking moment. It felt like a borderline obsession. I now know it was love and connection.
After that vision, I started praying more. It all felt performative at first, because it was so new to me. But, it turned into real prayers. Prayers that showed the truth of who I was, what I struggled with, what I wanted, what I didn’t want. I bought a new study Bible — not just to read, but to listen. To learn. I had a deep yearning to hear from God. I didn’t know what that felt like or sounded like. So, I went to social media for answers. I did extensive Google searches to find out how to hear from Him. One night it hit me..
I turned on a random Youtube playlist to listen to scripture to help me sleep and I heard it.
The Good Shepherd.
It had everything from my vision! The green pastures. The still waters. The white house!
I was floored. I was amazed. I was in complete awe because it meant only one thing. God was really with me.
God not only confirmed that it was Him that gave me the vision, but He told me that if I wanted to hear from Him, I had to know Him. I had to read His Word.
I started experiencing God in moments of peace, in confirmations I didn’t ask for, in the strength I’d been trying to find elsewhere. He was there.
God didn’t shame me for how I came. He just welcomed me. He continues to welcome me.
That’s the beauty of Jesus — He meets us in the mess. He walks with us in the process. And there’s something beautiful in knowing that He sees all and knows all and still doesn’t judge us.
If you’ve read this far, you’re more than likely in your own process (or just supporting family lol). Maybe you’re tired. Maybe you’re questioning. Maybe God whispered your name and you’re wondering if it was really Him.
Let me tell you — it was. God does some of His best work in the midst of our chaos.
You don’t have to be polished to be called. You don’t have to be perfect to be chosen. You don’t have to have all the answers to start seeking the One who is the answer.
He sees you. He loves you. And every day is a new chance to give Him your heart.
RISE. RENEW. REPEAT.
🍃Challenge for Today:
Pause today. Instead of pushing through in your own strength, wait on God. Say:
“Lord, I’m tired, but I trust You to renew me.”
Then breathe deep. Take a walk. Sit in silence. Open your Bible. Pray.
🙏🏽 Prayer:
Heavenly Father,
I am tired — in more ways than one. Help me to walk again in strength, not because I have it all together — but because You hold me together.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
📌Call to Action:
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